The Dirty 'B' Word; Boundaries

I think we've all been at a family get-together where a relative made a comment, a joke or demand that didn't sit right with you. Maybe it made you angry, or perhaps it made you feel small. Often, it's because something they said or did, didn't align with your core values. But when it's family, it can feel tough to stand up and say something about it. 

Maybe you don't want to 'rock the boat', or you don't want to be the person who 'can't take a joke.' But you go home after the event, and you still feel the yucky feelings swimming around in your gut. The longer you ignore these feelings, the more time they have to grow, and grow, and grow. And soon enough, they will no longer be little yucky feelings. They will be full-blown resentment for certain people, events and situations. 

Why does it build into resentment? Well, here's the thing. Actually, it's two things. One, your feelings are valid, so ignoring them for the sake of another person or people won't make them go away. And two, boundaries are a necessary part of healthy relationships - of ALL healthy relationships. 

Boundaries are at play in every relationship. They are either being respected or disrespected. But either way, they're always there. They're in every interaction you have with someone, positive, negative or neutral. They're in every interaction because your existence in the world impacts other people just like other people's existence has an impact on you. Boundaries are ways to ensure the impact you have on someone isn't harmful and is made with good intentions. 

So let's get comfy with rocking the boat. And don't panic; you can start with a small boat and a minor rocking. Hmmm, for now, let's set you up on a canoe floating on a lazy river bend. The canoe is close to the shore, nothing too scary. So let's nudge the canoe. Set a small boundary. Remember, every movement has a ripple effect - and not setting a boundary is still a move.